Waking up from a Deep Sleep

It takes a jolted comin to Jesus moment
To wall etchings scribbled in my own
Slimy penning
Oh it takes someone or some thing
To jar
And agitate that core rivet that holds in
Locked up vomitous pain
It's always been black mailed,
That pain,
"Dull me with your drug and I'll go away"
It reminds,
But daily I still bleed in a seething gnaw
So I drug it one last time
Stopping to hear inside that voice of skeptic
Denouncing all that I try to do
Will it be an endless chime pealing away at my nerve?

No rite of atonement washes my face
The day I set aside my foolish and
Unrealistic
Looking the future square ahead
Without a blinking escape hatch
Licking the urge
Liking the purge
Lapping at the task
Do I hear a frightened
Baby- girl sighing
(Finally)
Deep with in the channeled place?
Rivets sweat and loosen
Rolling to the floor in chucks of myself
Sweep it up with the clutter,
I have cleaner
Days ahead
And brighter (k)nights to dream in perfect
Atonement is my salvation today
A caveat of sane speaks to me ..
Deliberate, I am finally listening with my heart.